


If You Can't Take Me At My Worst

by Fallenstar92



Series: Ian And Mickey's Love story (songfics) [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Best Friends, Bipolar Ian, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Acceptance, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 05:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11396436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenstar92/pseuds/Fallenstar92
Summary: Through every failed relationship, Mickey had always been there for Ian. But that's what best friends are for, right?Loosely base on "At My Best" by Machine Gun Kelly and Hailee Steinfeld





	If You Can't Take Me At My Worst

  _Do I even need you?_

_Should I leave you?_

_Do I gotta be you_

_Just to please you?_

_Do I say I'm all good_

_When I bleed you through my heart?_

_Quit tearing mine apart_

* * *

 The easy part about Ian's relationship-if fucking your married boss could even be called that-with Kash, was that they were never completely naked when they fucked, so Ian could hide his scars. But-sadly-today Kash decided he wanted to blow Ian. "The hell is this?" Kash asked, tracing his fingers over the scars on Ian's thighs.

"Nothing." Ian lied, trying to move away from Kash; he hated when people asked about his scars.

"That's not nothing! Why the fuck would you do that, Ian?" The older man asked, staring up at Ian with wide brown eyes. "Are you one of those kids who does that shit for attention?" That pissed Ian off-why the fuck would he hide them if they were for attention?-but he kept his mouth shut. "I thought you were more mature than that."

"It's not for fuckin' attention!" Ian spat, zipping his jeans, no longer in the mood to fuck Kash. "And I'm fifteen; if you want someone "mature" go fuck a guy your own age!" Ian turned to leave, wanting nothing more than to run to his best friend.

"Where are you going?" Kash demanded, grabbing Ian's wrist-the wrist he had cut that morning-making the boy wince. "You did it on your arm, too?! You really are just looking for attention. I can't do this." Kash sighed, looking at Ian like he expected it to break the boy's heart. "I need a man, not a kid."

"Shoulda thought about that when you started fuckin' a teenage boy." Ian deadpanned, exiting the freezer and the store before he took off running to where he knew he could find his best friend-Mickey-hanging out and shooting at empty beer cans. "Mick..." Ian sniffed, getting the older boy's attention.

"What's wrong?" Mickey asked, setting his gun down and making his way over to Ian. "Talk to me, Ian."

"Kash saw the scars; said I was doin' it for attention and called me immature. I overreacted, but I fuckin' hate that!" Ian rasped, throwing himself down on the old, warn out couch in their abandoned building.

"Fuckin' pedophile shoulda thought about maturity when he started screwin' a teenager." Mickey spat, taking a seat next to Ian.

"That's what I said." Ian laughed, softly. "I know I shouldn't do it-I'm not stupid-but sometimes... Sometimes it's the only thing that makes the pain go away."

"Hate that you gotta do that to feel okay." Mickey sighed, draping an arm over Ian's shoulder. "Tell ya what, you feel like doin' it again? Call me. Tell me any-fucking-thing that's botherin' you, and we'll fix it, together."

"Won't that just prove Kash right?" Ian asked, laying his head on Mickey's shoulder.

"Fuck that bastard; I'm not losin' my best friend just 'cause he thinks people only self-harm for attention." Mickey said, vehemently. "I'm gonna help you, Ian; just want you to feel okay."

"Thanks, Mick." Ian sniffed, again. "Love you." Saying those words to Mickey felt more genuine than saying them to even his own family, because Mickey had always had his back.

"Love you, too." Mickey replied, holding Ian until he was all cried out.

* * *

_I shout, I swear, I get angry, I get scared_

  _I fall, I break, I mess up, I make mistakes_

_But if you can't take me at my worst_

_You don't deserve me at my best_

* * *

"I can't take you out, anywhere without you fucking shouting obscenities at the waiter!" Lloyd exclaimed as they got back to the hotel room he was staying in; once again, Ian was someone's dirty little secret and he hated himself-more than usual-for it.

"The son of bitch grabbed my ass!" Ian defended himself, though he knew it was pointless; Lloyd wanted him as something pretty to show off, and expected him to act like he was someone he wasn't just to impress his friends.

"So? You're a stripper! You should be used to it!" That was a low blow. Ian stripped because his family could barely stay afloat and older men had always been attracted to his body; he didn't do it because he wanted to strip!

"I'm outta here." Ian said, trying not to yell.

"What?" Lloyd had the audacity to look surprised that Ian was offended that he had insinuated that just because of his job Ian should let random men grope him.

"I'm never gonna be perfect, Lloyd; I fuckin' cuss, I yell, I get offended if some guy thinks he has the right to grab me, and I'm fine with that shit because I'm me!" Ian let out a long, slow breath through his nose-what Mickey had told him to do when he started to feel overwhelmed-and looked back at Lloyd. "If you can't handle that, you can't handle me." Ian walked out of the hotel room, exited the hotel, and immediately called Mickey.

"Ian? You okay?" Mickey answered, sounding slightly groggy. Ian felt bad for waking him and thought about just hanging up, but that would worry Mickey.

"Can you come get me? I'm outside Lloyd's hotel-you know, the one he always stays at when he's with me-and I don't wanna be alone." Ian said, pulling his jacket tighter around him.

"Be there in fifteen. Go across the street to that diner to stay warm, okay?" Mickey instructed, the sound of rustling indicating he was getting dressed.

"Okay. Love you, Mick." Ian said, feeling his fingers already going numb from the bitter cold.

"Love you, too." Mickey said, hanging up the phone.

* * *

  _Look at all the years_

_I've been waiting for a moment_

_Shed a lot of tears_

_Just to smile in the morning_

_Tell me could you love me,_

_Tell me could you love me?_

_Tell me could you love me if I told you why?_

* * *

"Get the fuck outta bed, Ian!" Caleb shouted, only serving to make Ian curl tighter around himself. "God dammit, Ian! You were fine, yesterday! This shit is just you bein' lazy!"

"I need Mickey." Ian managed to choke out through his tears.

"I'm your boyfriend, not him! I'm not callin' the guy you always-" Caleb was cut off by the sound of the door to Ian's apartment-that Ian shared with Mickey-opening and closing.

"Hey, Ian, you home?" Mickey was fair to ask that; most nights Ian and Caleb stayed at Caleb's apartment instead of Ian actually being home.

"He won't get outta bed." Caleb seethed, arms crossed as Mickey entered Ian's bedroom.

"Shit." Mickey sighed, moving to kneel in front of Ian. "Hey, Ian." Mickey said softly as he stroked Ian's cheek. "Miss a few pills or did they stop workin'?"

"Missed 'em... Caleb said I'm fine." Ian could be more honest with Mickey than anyone else in his life; Mickey was there through the worst and best moments of his life, and loved him unconditionally.

"You're fine 'cause your pills help you." Mickey said, glaring at Caleb over Ian's body.

"Said I was just bein' lazy." Ian sniffed, taking hold of Mickey's hand. "Make him leave, Mick."

"You got it." Mickey stood, squeezing Ian's hand before pushing Caleb out of Ian's room and closing the door so he could really give Caleb a piece of his fucking mind. "You fuckin' called him "lazy" 'cause he couldn't get out of bed?!"

"All Ian ever wants is attention. You should know that better than anyone; you do anything he asks." Caleb said, glaring down at the shorter man.

"I do shit he asks me to 'cause you don't fuckin' turn your back on your family!" Mickey seethed. "And you don't try to fuckin' change people you care about!" Mickey took a deep breath, ready to just get back to Ian's side. "Leave. If he ever wants to talk to you, again, he'll fuckin' call you." Mickey went back into Ian's room and crawled into the bed with him.

"I'm sorry." Ian cried, turning to bury his face in Mickey's neck.

"You got nothin' to feel sorry for." Mickey whispered. "Love you."

"Love you, too." Ian sniffed, holding on closely to Mickey as he fell asleep.

* * *

_I shout, I swear, I get angry, I get scared_

_I fall, I break, I mess up, I make mistakes_

_But if you can't take me at my worst_

_You don't deserve me at my best_

* * *

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" Trevor asked Ian as they stood outside a club. Once Ian was medicated, he stopped drinking-mostly due to the fact that he had been abusing alcohol-and stopped doing drugs. Trevor liked to party, and expected Ian to go with him.

"I already told you; I don't party, anymore." Ian said, trying to stay calm.

"It's one night!" Trevor exclaimed. He had tried to push Ian out of his comfort zone on multiple occasions, and Ian was starting to wonder what he saw in Trevor.

"You know what? I'm done tryin' to change myself for you! I'm just... I'm done! Have a good fuckin' time." Ian walked away, ready to go home to Mickey. His best friend loved him no matter what, stuck with him through the bad, and encouraged him through the best. "I love him." Ian said, realizing what he should have seen years ago. He ran into their apartment, causing Mickey to dart out of his bedroom.

"Ian? What's wrong?" Mickey asked, looking Ian over for injuries.

"I love you." Ian said with a smile.

"I love you, too, but that don't tell me shit." Mickey said, trying to understand what was wrong with Ian.

"No. I mean... I mean I'm in love with you." Ian cupped Mickey's jaw. "God, you're beautiful."

"Ian..." This wasn't fair; Mickey had been in love with Ian for years, and this was clearly just Ian trying to get over a breakup... Wasn't it?

"I love you, Mick. Sorry it took so long to see that." Mickey shuttered as Ian backed him against a wall, blue eyes locked on green. "I love you." Ian smiled; he fucking loved getting to say it in this context.

"I love you." Mickey whispered, cupping the back of Ian's head and crashing their lips together. This is what Mickey had wanted since he was sixteen, and he will hold onto it for as long as Ian wanted him.

* * *

  _Who fought their way through_

_Always remain true_

* * *

"Put me down!" Mickey laughed from where he was slung over Ian's shoulder as Ian marched into the Gallagher house.

"Ian, put your boyfriend down." Fiona giggled, sitting at the kitchen table with Lip. Though they kept quiet, they had always hoped Ian would pull his head out of his ass and see that he had a good guy in front of him, all along.

"Never! I love my baby!" Ian shouted, slapping Mickey on the ass.

"Didn't wanna see that." Lip said with a smirk.

"Say it and I'll put you down." Ian said as a form of false compromise.

"Fine!" Mickey laughed, a smile firmly planted on his face. "I love you, Ian." Ian sat Mickey on the ground, smiling brightly at the amazing man who somehow loved him.

"Love you, too." Ian said, leaning down to kiss Mickey.

"So fuckin' cute." Fiona sighed. "Happy for you guys." Ian stepped behind Mickey, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist.

"I'm happy, too." Ian said, resting his chin on Mickey's shoulder. He loved this man, and was so fucking happy Mickey was the man who stood by him at his worst. This is where he was always supposed to end up, and he felt like he was finally here.

* * *

_At my best_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure this is my best work, but this song has such a powerful message and I love it. Let me know if you liked it. Much love!


End file.
